true or false- lasers are awesome?

true, obviously. but you already knew that, didn’t you? of course you did, you cocksure little whippersnapper. well i have a friend who now knows that better than anyone

for the sake of anonymity, i’ll refer to this friend for the rest of this story as “fred.” fred is a dear friend of mine who is an old school raconteur. keeps people enthralled in a story longer than anyone i know and always delivers a great punchline. when he gets a little silly, though, he has -or had- the habit of blatantly ripping off a story of my own, and often something i told him within 24 hours of his own re-telling. and  half the time it’s not even a story but a random fact or observation.

most of the times he’s done this have been right in front of me, so it’s not that it’s on purpose, he’s just had a few too many and forgets. fine. still funny. another of our friends also noticed it a few months ago, and after several instances of conversational plagiarism we decided to have some fun with him.

we thought if we made up a word or phrase that previously had no relevant meaning to what we would use it for and slowly added it into our conversation, he would pick up on it and start using the word without having any idea what it meant (or in reality, didn’t mean).

the word we ultimately came up with was “lasers,” meant to imply anything that was especially good. example:

fred- hey so how was karaoke last night?

me- ah man it was lasers. awesome time- missed you out there.

after a few days, we added “straight lasers” as something that was super extra triple awesome. it was all coming together nicely.

2-3 weeks after the initial “lasers” introduction, fred finally caved and used it in a story in front of a few of our other friends, all of whom had been clued in the whole time to the mission.

fred was a little tipsy on margheritas when i asked him how the guacamole tasted. “fuckin lasers, man” he replied. and with that, the jig was up, and we laughed and we laughed.

after the embarrassment subsided, we all agreed that even though it started as a joke, lasers was a sneaky great adjective to throw around every once in a whlie, and it’s been a vocabulary staple ever since.

funnily enough, last month when he was really hammered, fred told this exact story but substituted our friend “ralph” in his place as the one who got got. nodding in each other’s direction, two other friends and i waited until the story was over to blow up his spot yet again and tell everyone that fred was the actually the victim, which made the whole story come full circle and blow up right in his face. good times all around.

so whether you’re texting, talking or on twitter (in which case be sure to hashtag that shit), lasers is a new weapon for your surely weak descriptive arsenal. toss “rad” or whatever out the window, and join the lasers lifestyle. don’t drop it in willy nilly- part of the allure of lasers is its current lack of usage. like a good “motherfucker,” the less you say it, the more punch it’ll have and the more attention it and you will get.


with light, love and lasers,